HABs Offside » Bulges and Such

Lorenzo De Silvestri: Getting His Dance On

Lotte Cox — Sat, 16 May 2009 08:00:37 +0000

[click to embiggen]

After Lazio won the Coppa Italia in penalty kicks last week, they did what victorious footballers are expected to do: Took off nearly every stitch of clothing and posed for pictures. Just posing, however, was not enough for the magnificent Lorenzo De Silvestri (who’s very much not the gremlin his Dancing Face might make him appear) — he decided to climb up on a table and show everyone his sick body, I mean sweet moves. Careful up there, Lorenzo, cleats were not made to work on cheap plastic tabletops.

Also, notice the keepers in the background — they seem to only have one kit between them.

On the Lighter Side: Cristiano Ronaldo’s “Awakening”

Amanda Leerat — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:03:57 +0000

Sometimes a video says so much that we have nothing left to add. This is such a video.

(If you know who the bulge-in-profile belongs to, please enlighten us in the comments.)

Lionel Messi: Everybody Look Up

Amanda Leerat — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 22:17:59 +0000

It is probably illegal to engage in bulge-watching with a player this young.

So stop looking already.

(Nice — um — haircut, Leo.)

An Anonymous Package with Your Morning Coffee

Lotte Cox — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:09:16 +0000

No idea who this team are or where they play (if you recognize them, help us out in the comments), but, damn, dude on the left. Respect.

Blast from the Past: Dennis Bergkamp

Amanda Leerat — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:54:26 +0000

Dear Dennis Bergkamp,

We once read that Thierry Henry said that you were best up front.

We thought he meant something else entirely.

And while we’re at it, here’s another Bergkamp photo to make you go Awww. Unlike the previous one, which was probably more like, Ooooh!

(Or maybe we’re just projecting.)

P.S. Ah, short shorts. We remember short shorts.

The Ballack Bouncing Bulge, Again

Amanda Leerat — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 19:21:46 +0000

Yes, we’ve seen video of the Bodacious Ballack Bouncing Bulge before, but… Well, some things just never get old.

(Know what this video needs, though? Slow motion.)

Nice View, Carles!

Amanda Leerat — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 03:00:32 +0000

It’s never polite to take advantage of a man when he’s injured. And this isn’t the best photo of Barcelona’s rough-and-ready centerback, Carles Puyol.

But the photo does have a certain…um…something to recommend it.

Mmm … Bernardo Corradi

Lotte Cox — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 12:00:18 +0000

Yes, Bernardo Corradi has been mentioned here before. In case you were wondering, he still plays for Reggina, and they’re still awful, which may or may not explain why he looks so smoulderingly soulful all the time. (If it is the reason, here’s hoping they stay bottom of the table. Sorry, Reggina fans.)

Ok, yeah. The tongue is always a good start.

Oh my lord, the arms. (Quit looking at his crotch, pervs.)

Everywhere, arms!

(The rest of you are going to have to go on ahead without me. I can’t feel my legs.)

Man Love to the Max

Ivanna Baller — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:06:41 +0000

Love on the football field doesn’t get much better than this.

PS: I was drinking soda when I watched. Bad idea because there are some funny moments that take you by surprise. And now my nose hurts.

Joaquín: Not Exactly Shy

Lotte Cox — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:59:40 +0000

This, apparently, is how they used to celebrate at Real Betis: Joaquín would dance, and teammates would (presumably) take turns as his partner/groper. Man. God only knows how he was able to drag himself away — Valencia may have a lot of short guys named David, but they’re nothing compared to a nice, intimate booty dance with a teammate.