Portugal’s new under armour kits for the 2010 World Cup were unveiled today by Nike. We appreciate Nani’s effort and all but this photo is seriously lacking of our favourite hairgel-obsessed Portuguese winger. Where in the world is Cristiano Ronaldo for times like these? Maybe the weeks spent recovering from injury has put him out of shape, or perhaps there’s a clause in his contract with Armani that prohibits him from modeling underwear for other labels. Err, so much for putting your country first, Ronni.

Oh, look! It’s Atletico Madrid player Diego Forlán, showing us that his abs and biceps apparently have something to do with “men” and “health.” Wondering if it shouldn’t actually read “Women’s Health,” though?

(Because we’re suddenly feeling much better.)

Spotted on Atletico Madrid Offside.

Here’s a mini photo recap of the derbies from the weekend:

1) Fenerbahce vs Galataray
Don’t let the confetti fool you – this actually wasn’t a cup final but I suppose you can get away with an over-the-top celebration when you crush your arch rivals 3-1. Unfortunately, no sign of garment removal is evident in this photo, but at least Alex de Souza was gracious enough to take his socks off for us. Thanks man.


 
2) River Plate vs Boca Jrs.
Ah, the Superclasico of Argentina never fails to pump up the drama. In this one, we saw two red cards (one for each team) in the span of only five minutes! Here’s a snap of Matias Almeyda and Martin Palermo fighting for the ball. But for which one?

 
3) Liverpool vs Manchester United
We weren’t really sure if Fernando Torres qualified as HABs material, but no one can disagree that Vidic was the manliest man on Merseyside Sunday. I think that is precisely what Torres was discovering for himself in this photo, having the best view in the stadium and all.
 
4) Club America vs Chivas USA
We can only imagine what Mosquera’s bump looked like under 3D glasses.

 
5) Botafogo vs Flamengo
Even though Brazil’s biggest derby over the weekend was between Internacional and Gremio, we couldn’t resist sharing this picture of Adriano celebrating his goal against rivals Botafogo. Adriano probably left Europe for the unlimited chicks and cervesas back in his homeland, but little did he know that he’d become a guy magnet as well!

Part of this photo is NSFW. It’s like a game of “Where’s Waldo” – there many decoys to distract you from spotting your objective, but if you try hard enough you’ll find what you’re looking for.

Oh, look! It’s Argentina’s Martin Palermo, wet and shirtless, celebrating after scoring a goal that helps keep Argentina’s World Cup dreams alive.

We can get behind this kind of celebration. Or in front of. Or kind of…sideways. But pressed up close.

(And we curse the day that the removing shirt = yellow card rule was ever implemented.)

Unlike his Spanish teammate Sergio Ramos, who tried a bit too hard to perfect the pouty-model face, El Guaje is as natural in front of camera as he is in front of goal. No direction was needed for him — please, Señor Bitchface doesn’t take orders from anyone!!! Dahveed simply arrived on set sporting the same expression he uses to scare off defenders (and maybe with some extra soul-patch grooming for the special occasion).

[Pics from Only David Villa]

Some suggest that he’s modeling with the “smiling with his eyes” technique, but to me that glare is just his way of telling the photographer to “hurry up”.

He left the set as if he did Adidas a huge favour, and with extra pocket change to buy baby toys for daughters Zaida and Olalla.

By the way, I’m Corrine and I’m new to the Offside team! I’ll be doing my best to keep this spot active, but be sure to check ONTD Football on the HABs off days, which is constantly updated with the saucy studs of the beautiful game. Adios y hasta luego!

(Spotted on ONTD)

Occasionally we see a video that leaves us speechless. This is such a video. Let’s just allow Zlatan’s undergarment to speak for itself, shall we?

(Click on the link, and on the second page of the comments you will also find this in the form of a .gif, which, sadly, is too big to post here, but which you should enjoy anyway.)

Also, HABS is looking for a few good women to carry on the HABS tradition. If you think you have what it takes — irreverence, the ability to blindly objectify, and a talent for stringing a sentence or two together without destroying your keyboard with drool — then please check out our blogger guidelines. If you’re still interested, drop a note to our editor Daryl at Daryl[at]theoffside[dot]com.

After new arrival Diego Milito scored both goals (Zlatan who?) in Inter’s preseason win over AC Milan on Sunday, Javier Zanetti could think of only one way to thank him. See? That kind of inspired decision-making is why he’s captain.

Under the jump, the Russians (well, one Russian and two Brazilians) get into the act.

Spartak Moscow’s Vladimir Bystrov shows Alex a little love, as Welliton seethes with jealousy.

Because AC Milan long ago signed a contract in blood with Dolce & Gabbana, they are now followed to the ends of the earth by minions with cameras. These are not, however, your typical, sports-photographing minions. Oh no, not for Milan — Milan are followed by fashion photographers, so that everything they do appears to be not only carefully posed, but also well-dressed. (Thanks to H4M for the heads up.)

Massimo Ambrosini is either waiting or posing — it’s so hard to tell with Milan.

Massimo Oddo may look perpetually rough, but damn if it isn’t a hot rough.

(Graciously showing off his back for the camera.)

Check it out, even old man Pippo got into the Top Gun-style act!

Gianluca Zambrotta, meanwhile, has classier, less sweaty tastes.

Not, um, that anyone is complaining about that. Wow.

Nesta, it seems, is harder to impress than we are.

As is Andrea Pirlo. What does it take to please these people?

And then there’s Pato, who seems dangerously close to forgetting there are cameras around.

Clarence Seedorf, showing the kid how pimping is done.

Last but not least, it’s Marco Borriello, making even the airport waiting area sexy.

[Many more at Swide Magazine's Flickr account.]

Club America goalkeeper Armando Navarrete would like you to know two things. First, that his team just beat Inter Milan (in PKs) and AC Milan in the space of four days, and second, that they’re planning to take Chelsea on Sunday, too.*

We here at HABs, meanwhile, would like you to know just one thing: Navarrete is far from the only adorable person on the team — if you’re ignoring them, you’re missing out.

*Yes, yes, we know that Club America’s season starts next week, and that they’re much further along in their preparation than anyone else in the World Football Challenge. Don’t harsh our squee, alright?